Thursday, 26 February 2009

Bit Echt - The Branze Age

Movin Oan.

Ah shud advise yis that thair is a danger that these postins micht become a bit mair infrequent in the comin' months. Efter Sax years as a Teachin' Fella at Ballymena Skool o' Ulster-Scots Dancin' (Specialisin' in Mime an' Movement in Post Renessance Bushmills) ah'm fur movin oan til a new joab. Frae nixt week ah will be Head o' the Fakulty o' Rythmic' Lambeg Interpretation at the Royal Ballat Skool near tae London. This is obviously a wile big stap fur me, fur the travellin' distances involved are grate. Rather than hoppin' intae the car fur the wee jaunt til Skool fur an elevin o'clack lecture, ah'm goantae hiv tae git tae the Donemana Davy Crockett Transcontinental Aerodrome fur the 5.17 flight tae Hethrow, via Claudy. Furthermair, when ah git tae London, ah'll hiv tae contend wi' the langwidge an' cultural diffrences. Awl in awl ah reckon it micht prevent me frae drinkin' the requisite amount o' stout required fur a full Thursday update, but ah'll dae ma best.

At his point ah'd like tae thank some o' yis at the Ballymena skool fur yer help an' support oer the years. Some, bit not awl.


Afore ah go oan ah hiv tae pass comment oan taeday' developments. Yinst Sammy made the brave decision tae expose hissel tae the Enviroment Committee at Stormount, makin' a plane case that the climate changin' isnae anythin' tae dae wi' man. Apparently the hen frae Frends o' the Earth said "Most of Northern Ireland's contribution to climate change comes from housing, energy and transport - areas that are thankfully outside Sammy Wilson's control." Exactly ah'd say, an housin' is the SDLP's luk oot and transport is the Shinners, git oantil them an' laiv Sam be.

Then the Ulster Unionists changed thair name 'til "Ulster Conservatives and Unionists - New Force". This is clearly a well thought through strategy, fur thair can be nae doubt that naebody will iver take the han' oot of such a name. Oor Linguistics expert, Professor Billy McQuillan, has run the new name through his Binary Rude Acronym Simulator at South-Aist Ards Bible an' Caterin' College an' reckons that thair fine sae lang as naebody iver vandalises a poster.

Bit Echt - The Branze Age.

In his seminal wurk "Stains ah hiv hoked oot" the eminant archaeologit Willie McIlveen describes the transition frae Stain Age tae Metal Age as the maist important event in the histry o' the Ulster Scot. "If it wair made o' Stain" he asks "Wair wud the Titianic be now?" A guid point, fur it was the invenshun o' metal that enabled the inate industrialness o' the Ulster Scot tae shine.

Climate Change.

Now that Frends o' the Earth hen who's furiver criticisin' oor Sammy wud dae well tae take under her notice the findins o' Mike Baillie at The Queen's Ain University, Belfawst. Through his studies o' dendrochronology (?) he his come tae the conklusion that the Ulster Scot o' the Neolithic saw massive climatic changin'. Surprinsinly Prof Baillie seems tae blame UFOs an' aliens fur he has argued that the very suddin changin' o' the wither "leads to speculation that loading of the atmosphere from space might be a significant factor in the environmental downturns."

Whitiver caused it, the Ulster Scot hid tae move frae his traditional stampin' grounds an' travel South, even goin' sae far as tae laiv Ulster itself. Luckily this coincided wi' the inventshun' o metal - mair specifically branze. The hard wurkin Ulster Scot found that Munster was a prime place tae mine capper, which combined wi' tin imported frae oor brethern in Cornwall, was mixed up tae make branze.


In Bit Nine we'll luk faither at life in these times, but it wid be wurth oor wile tae pre-emptively address some o' the Free State's Crowd's potential objections til oor claims.

  • How come thair Ulster Scots when thair in Munster? - As explained above they'd shifted south due tae aliens. It is aroun' this time that the term Scotch Irish came intae use, due tae the fact that they'd left thair hameland.

  • How couldn't Munster folk hae bin dain the minin? - Munster folk dinnae hiv the Ulster Scots work Ethnic. Oor mair feckless frends in the south are grand at the poetry an' the fiddlin', but did they invent the vulcanised rubber tyre?

  • Whit evidence dae ye hiv? - The yinst Metallurgists were skilled craftsmen, wurkin' wi tools, molds etc. They must thairfore hiv trained other young men til wurk wi' them. These were the yinst Apprentice Boys.

Ah'm sure mair questions will arise, an' we'll be happy tae anser them in Bit Nine.


Ah almaist forgot tae mention that Iris won the pole. Ah can see why yis went fur her fur she really is so very lovely. Ah' thought aboot movin' til London fur the new joab but ah'd miss her tae much. Which brings me tae this week's pole, kindly Sir Reg Empey his agraid til add his encuragement tae yis awl tae tak part, usin' his new party's uniquely forthrite style.

Monday, 23 February 2009

Dinnae Badger oor Sam. (a better heidline than the last yin)


Fur thosuns oot thair wha fally this, av changed colours agin'. The votin' a few odd weeks back wis inconclusive but the fitba wis over, an ah hid naithin' better til dae.

Return o' the Man.

Guid news fur supporters o' Sammy Wilson who his arisin' frae his holt tae take a stan' for a cause close tae the enviromentalists' harts. Sammy his ris up fur the badger, yin o' the native Ulster Scot native spices. He his demandeded a stap til the batin' o' them, insteid lukkin fur the perpretaters til be slammed up. Interestinly Sammy his blamed the Direk Rule goverment fur a failure tae dail wi' these boys correkly, an' calls fur mair co-operation wi' the Free State. Wile ah' think he's up a left thair, he is richt til raise his heid oan this, an' his spakesman said this firm stanin' wis nathin' til do wi' the enviromental madness o' last week.


Fur comment oan this ah hid a wurd wi' Jackie McElholm o' the Larne branch o' the Ulster Scots Anti-Baste an' Fish Batin' League who wus all in favir o' Sammy's move. Jackie said that the Badger, wi his cute black an' white face, wis symbolic o' the new multi-cultural Ulster, albiet yin wair the Ulster Scot was chief. He argued that if ye wanted til bate a baste yid be better off sortin' oot a non-native spice like the pygmy shrew.


Ah tried til use a few polis contaks frae the early 70s til talk til yin o' the baters themselfs but dispite thair best efforts we cudnae git haul o' them. Howiver yin Specil Branch contak reckoned that somethin' mair sinsiter was afoot. He taul me that the batin ring was a cross border lat based aroun' Newry. Ah think we all knaw ethnic cleansin' when we see it.


Nain o' this detracts frae oor pole, fur it is still advisable that Sugar Ray shud hae oor insite intil who shud replace Sammy, if naids must. Iris is currently straits aheid an' ah'm fur thinkin' that thy'on photae ah stuck up micht be influencin' ye, but ah want ye tae furget her beuty an' think oan hard political ideals. Though she is lovely. Very lovely indaid.

Thursday, 19 February 2009

Bit Sen - Life in the New Stain Times

Save oor Sammy update.

Ah've gie up oan savin' Sammy. If thy'on Earth Frends can muster 500 odd names tae git rid o' him, an' we can oany git 18 fur his retainin' then we're bate. Ah hiv a distinct feelin' that Sammy micht be reshuffled aff tae sumwair his wee red face wud cause less offence, a new Ministair fur Racil Equality perhaps. Howiver all is nat lost, fur under the rules o' the Guid Friday Agreement Sammy must be replaced frae within the DUP. Thairfore a fine body o' men, an' hens, are linin' up fur the joab. Ah've bin thinkin' that the Party's representation in the Executive is a bit unbalanced at the moment. Yiv got yer hard man doin' Culture - Gregory Campbell, yer auld hans - Doddsy and Sam, an yer ex-UUP tae keep the moderates oan the boil, Arlene an' Danny O'. Bit wair does that leave the Free Pee crowd ah ask yis. Ah hiv a feelin that Sugar Ray will hiv tae address this failure in his coalition. Thus this weeks pole asks yis til pick yer puck fur tae be the new heid yin o' enviromentalism.

Afore ah git oan tae Bit Sen though, ah'm gittin wurried aboot Tim Tim MacPat Coogan, who's bin wile quait o' late. He announced in his comments that he was cummin Nairth fur tae investigate oor histry, an' hasnae bin heard frae since. Ah'm jist hopin he didnae gae blurtin' his Iberian claims roun' Ballymoney an' goat himsel intae baither wi' the locals. O' coorse he micht jist hiv seen the error o' his ways.

Mair til the point -

Bit Sen - Life in the New Stain Times.

Oor funders are insistent that we git oan wi the histry, an' ah hope ye knaw by now that oor remit is til edukate yis in the role o' the Ulster Scot in "Ireland". There are sum wha' wid claim thit we oany arrived here in the C17th bit awl the evidence points diffrent. Here we will luk, alangside o' sum o' Ulster's finest akademic mines, at the influence o' the Ulster Scot in New Stain Age Times.

As we seen in Bits Five an' Sax the Mesolithic folk were wile fur thair wee stains. These flint stains were hanny fur the cuttin' an' slicin' but nae sae mair fur the chappin'. If ye were a farmer lukin' tae chap doon trees fur the makin' o' a field yid naid a big hefty stain - porcellanite. Now yer Iberian crowd micht suggest oerwise, but there is nae doubt that the bestest places tae fine this type o' stone are firmly in Ulster Scots territry. At this point ah'll hiv tae lapse oot o' the hamely tongue so as tae quote -

Geochemists say that "Of the two known sources in Co. Antrim, north-east Ireland, the mainland site at Tievebulliagh has traditionally been considered the more important, with the site at Brockley on the offshore Rathlin Island seen as a minor source. Trace element geochemical analysis of samples taken from the sources has resulted in the identification of a discriminant that can be used to separate the two sites. "

Now ah havnae a clue whit that means, so ah spake tae WJ McIlveen frae King's College Ballylumford. Wile he admitted that isnae so sure whit a Geochemist is, he knew they were richt aboot yin thing - the new big stains came frae Antrim, an' nat the Free State. Who, he said, wid hiv hoked them oot o' the groun' but the Ulster Scots?

So hivin' chapped doon the trees fur the makin' o' fields, what wid the Ulster Scot stain age farmer dae wi' them? The anser is that thesuns hid brought o'er trained bastes that wudnae bite them, maistly coos and yos. The nearest type o' yo that yid git noo til then wid be the Soay yo, a kindae broon yin that luks a bit mair like a goat. This, the archaeologits reckon, was an early attempt at the manufakture o' goatskins fur lambegs, but the stain age boys learnt they'd got the wrang baste, see bit sax, an' so they mustae went back til Scotland til fine a better skinned baste. Howiver, in chappin' doon the trees the boys cleared several routes through the woodland, enabling them til walk, unhindered, frae place tae place, maist likely barin' goatskinned drums. Ah ask ye?


As wiv seen in Bit Sax the New Stain Age was the yinst time that pats were made (in Antrim). Afore this, yid hae bin wile lucky tae hae a baskit tae haul yer stuff, an' that wasnae any use fur cukin' or storin' food. Pats allowed the Ulster Scot o' 4000 BC til produce craps for the first time. Befair this he wud hiv hid naewhair til put his craps, but noo wi' fine clay pats he hid sumwhere tae keep them til the caul winter months.

But wair does the Ulster Scot fit in? In a somewhat convaluted way Eileen McIlWilliamwillaimson o' the Skool o' Gender at Aughnacloy Wee Girls Study Centre explains. She says "Folk makin' pats in them days didnae use wheels oor the like. Instied they made thair pats in thair hans." Curious, I asked her how they went aboot dain' this. "Well" says she "Yinst they made a wee small pat; then they made coils o' clay, layin' them oan tap o' the wee pat tae bild up the sides." This, she says, is proof that Free Staters widnae hiv knae how tae make a pat, fur they were barred frae havin' coils, oor any oer form o' contraption, til the late C20th.
Nixt Time.
Nixt time, fur its late, an' ah cannae be baithered wurkin' oot in ma' ain mine how the European farm improvement grants led til a rash o' New Stain Age monument bildin', we'll luk at the Branze Age Days.

Wednesday, 18 February 2009


Time is runnin' oot tae register yer feelins aboot the tratement o' Sammy by the Enviromentalists. I hiv jist hurd that Frends o' the Earth hae oer 500 folk signed up fur tae git rid o' him, an' we hiv oany mustered 16 votes in his support (kindae). Ah ask ye tae think of the alternative - Edwin Poots.

Thursday, 12 February 2009

Bit Sax - Farmin' Folk

Sammy Update

Afore we git movin' we naid fur til update yis oan the Sammy Wilson/Climate Changin' controversy. Ah' hid thought that the interventshun o' Antoinette Givenchy (see belaw) wid hiv put a stap til this carry oan, but it saims that the Enviroment Committee o' Stormount didnae pay heed til her wise wurds. Thiv declared that thiv nae confidence in Sammy by a vote o' sax tae fower. Ah'd call oan all richt thinkin' folk oot thair tae put pen til paper and screed tae thar MLA demandin' that Sammy is kept oan. Wi' that in mine ah've changed the pole this week. Ah had intended fur a ficht aff between the winners o' the last twa poles bit instied ah'm given yis a democratik forum til' register yer feelins. When the new pole shuts, ah'll send the results tae thy'on Green Party boy up at Stormount. Saxth place in the Nairth Doon election disnae give him the richt til cause this baither fur yin o' Ulster politics finest mines.

Last weeks Pole.

Last week we had a luk at the fichtin' skills o' the Shinners. Ah' wis shacked til see that yis dismissed the merits o' the twa boyos oot o' hawn an' it came doon 'til a cat ficht between de Brown an' Ruane. In the end it fell til Bairbre, an' ah'll accept that she's a richt hard ticket. Personally ah' hiv a wee saft spat for oor husky voiced Ministair o' Larnin' fur ah' admire the commitment she shaws til oor Larnin' system here in Norn Iron. This is a woman who tuk her ain wains oot o' the vastly superior Comprehensive system in the Free State an' inflicted a divisive Ulster Grammer Skool oan them. Ye cudnae ask fur anymair than thy'on.

Howiver oor grant fundin' frae the European Fund Agin' Killin' In the Nairth So as Tae Arrange Peace (EuFAKINSTAP) requires us 'til dae a Histry thing, sae fur noo wi'll leave the present behine an' move back 'til the Neolithic.

Bit Sax: The Braw New Stain Times.

Afore we begin it wid be as well fur me tae anticipate the bleatens o' the likes o' Tim Tim McPat Coogan. Taenicht ah'll jist be takin' a quick luk at the Ulster Scots origins o' the Neolithic Folk, laivin' their way o' life til Bit Sen. In his ramblins Tim will inevitably insist that these new folk came frae Andorra or whariver, but we can soon cut oot that claptrap.

As wiv seen in Bit Five, themuns in the Middle Stain Times were no mad folk, shiftin' aboot in search o' food an shelter, but this cudnae go oan furiver. Sax oor sen odd thousan' years hence new folk cum here, bringin' wi them a braw new way o' livin'. They didnae move aboot, they wur farmers.


As farmers these folk brung bastes wi' them, new bastes, no the native spices yid gat befair. They brung coos an' yos o'er, big bastes that nae man cud fit in a boat frae Spain. They mustae cum frae sumwair nearer at hawn; an that place is maist likely tae hiv bin Scotland. Yin o' the bastes they brought wi' them wis the goat, a key ingredient in the manufakture o' a Lambeg Drum. Ah checked wi' the Archaeologits an' wile the admit that they havnae yit foun' a Neolithic Lambeg, they hiv confessed tae me that thiv foun' nae proof that thair wasnae any.


Furthermair, as wi'll see in Bit Sen (Life in the New Stain Times), yin o' the maist important things that turned folk intae farmers was the inventshun o' the pot. We micht well tak oor porcelin fur granted these days, but back then it was a wile important thing fur storin' the farmer's guids. Wi'oot pots, thared be naewair til store yer fuid, sae nae point in farmin. The auldest pots foun' in Ireland were foun' at Lyles Hill, Co Antrim, the haim o' the Ulster Scot. Now whitiver Tim Tim an' his ilk micht cum up with, ye hiv tae accept that any new folk wid be highly unlikely tae lug thair bastes an pots the hole way frae Spain tae Antrim befair they started at the farmin'. Jist as in the Middle Stain Times, the Neolithic folk wud a' goat doon tae busness as near as so tae wair they landed.


Finally the Iberian lobby shud be aware o' the fact that the folk o' the New Stain Times didnae build roun' hooses like the Mesolithic Folk. They had invented the recktangle hoose, wha' hid the bonus o' gable ends, hawny places fur murials o' boys on wicht horses.

Hopefully that will remove sum o' the usual queries, an' nixt time we can git doon tae the life o' the New Stain Folk.

In the maintime, mak' sure ye register yer support fur Sammy.

Tuesday, 10 February 2009

Save oor Sammy.

Thair his bin a wile lat o' discushun aboot Sammy, oor esteamed Ulster Scots Ministair o' the Enviroment, o'er the last cupple o' days. Yinst he commented that it wis awl richt tae git tae skool in thrie fut o' snaw, then he banned an advertizment fur global warmin'. Ah feel that folk hiv bin wile hard oan him bit ah thought ah shud check me facts. Ah goat oan the elektric telefone tae Professer Antoinette Givenchy, frae the Ulster-Huguenot Skool o' Alledged Climatic Changin' Events at Lisnafiffy Creationist College, an she giv' me her thoughts.

Surprisinly she belives that Sammy's wrang (!) aboot the gettin' tae wurk in the snaw, an' points oot that MLAs arnae sae guid at gettin tae wurk wi'oot it, bit says that he micht well be correk aboot the climate change ads.

Fur why:

Ai: Thar his bin a wile lat o' snaw, nat sae much warmin'. Here oan the McWilliams estate ah' can bairly see the coachin' stables.

Be: The wurld is furiver warmin' an coolin', its called wither.

See: If CO2 really did cause warmin', then fire extinguishers would be hat, pit yer han' oan yin nixt time ye pass yin.

Dee: The adverts arnae very guid, yin o' them tells ye tae stap ivry time ye see a red licht. Try that in Amsterdam an' yil be knackered in nae time.

Eee: The Green party are sayin' it, an' thar nat Orange.

Eff: Since oor new stain circle wis discovered, (luk at the earlier poast - BRAKIN' NEWS) the Ministair his bin distracted, spenin' a wile lat o' time lukin roond it. Ye really cannae blaim Sammy fur bein' up his ain Ring oan this occashun.

Annie concludes that ye shud forgive Sammy oan this an' gie him an o'er chance, fur sure wair wid we be wi'oot him.

Monday, 9 February 2009

Josef Stalin - Ulster Scots Icon

This isnae a real post, jist a wee thing ah' came across taenicht oan the interweb.
Ah' was noseyin' at the lambegs oan Youse Tube, an foun' this magnificant display.

Ma' main curiosity is the young fella' wha's drum appears aboot 50 seconds in. Ah'd advise ye til turn the soun' doon if yer in yer place of wurk.

Thursday, 5 February 2009

Bit Five: Life in Middle Stain Times

Afore we git doon 'til the histry ah'll hiv tae tak a moment 'til deal agin' wi' Tim Tim Mac Pat Coogan's bizarre arguements. In his comments oer the heid o' the pygmy shrew, he alleges that the bears in Ireland cud hiv evolved frae wee small bears that hitched a ride in the packs o' Spanish settlers. That wid wurk, aside frum the fact that the Darwinian timeframe o' evolution disnae giv time fur mini-bears 'til evolve intae big bears, an' that the big bears wur here befair folk. Even if they cud, the settler's wud be hard pushed 'til fit an elk in thair han' luggage oan the way oe'r.

Tim alsae ignores the geological evidince that proves that Ulster was fernenst Scotland until post-glacial isostatic uplift, instied clingin' 'til the noshun o' a big packed Spaniard lannin' here wi' a bag full o' bastes. Furthermair he is quik tae castigate the albatross/shrew oan back theory, but in doin' sae furgets the etymology o' the wurd "albatross". It cums frae "Alba" the auld wurd fur Scotlan' and "Trossachs", the mountins yid fine thair. In prehistoric times Albatrosses regularly ferried manies a wee baste across the new "Irish" Sea. Hopefully this, an' the evidence below, will put his mine at rest - allowin us tae move oan tae Bit Five.

Bit Five - Life in the Middle Stain Times.

We knaw frae Bit Fower that the folk o' the Mesolithic were Ulster-Scots, settlin' in the Caulraine region, but whit dae we knaw aboot thair way o' life? Fur ansers we hiv tae turn tae Aist Antrims fourmoast expert oan Stains, W.J. McIlveen o' Kings College, Ballylumford. Young Wullie hus bin studien' these folk for close til 3 years an his larned a grate deal aboot them.

Wullie tells us they were a hunter-gathrin' people, livin' aff berries an' bastes. Accordin' 'til whit the archaeologits foun' in Mountsannel, these folk lived in wee roun' houses made o' sticks and skins, maist likely uppin' thar sticks tae fally the bastes tae the nixt huntin' groun'. They made tools an' wepons frae flint, chippin' it intae wee bits called microliths. This mains wee stains, nat tae be confused wi' megalith, which means big stain. Nae Mesolithic man wud want tae hiv a big stain oan his tool, as this might a' bin awkward oan a huntin trip. Aside frum wee stains an' roun' hooses, these nomadic folk hiv left us little evidince, sae how dae we knaw they wur Ulster Scots?
W.J. his complied a dossier of evidince:

Yin: As previously stated in Bit Fower, they lived near 'til Caulraine, kultural hame til the Ulster Scot.

Twa: Caulraine is a fair bit closer tae Scotland than it is til Andorra.

Thrie: They were hunters, an' the name giv by maist folk 'til a hunter's hoose is a huntin' lodge. These were the yinst primitive orange halls.

Fower: As hunter-gatherers, they moved frae place 'til place, maist likely fallyin' a traditional route. Thar isnae any evidince o' them formin' residents' groups fur tae protest.

Five: They spake in a langwidge unintelligible tae folk o' modern times.

So thir ye go, even wi' the tenuous evidince left 'til us by the Mesolithic folk, we can still trace oor links wi' the mother country.

Nixt time - farmin'.

Wednesday, 4 February 2009

Poles an' Rings.

Sammy's Circle of Stains.

Ah' was cocht oan the hoof by the brakin' news o' the discovery of a new Stain Circle fernenst Annaclone the oer nicht, an' oany hid time til give yis a brief summry. Sin thy'on ah've hid further wurds wi' the Archaeologits an' thiv taul me that thar aimin' fur a big press lunch soon. They are unsure o' when tae unveil Sammy's Ring, an' point oot that it hasnae bin seen fur years. The feelin' amongst the archaeologits is that it wid be best tae wait til' see if Sammy will cum doon tae Annaclone an officially open his Ring tae the public, in the hope o' gainin' maximum publicity.*

Pole Yin
Last week we accidently had twa poles. Due to a bit o' a hangin' chad situation, the "Best March" pole had tae run oer fur a wee wile. A bit like an election in Fermana' Saith Tyrone; the polin' station stayed open fur a wheen o' hoors. In the heels o' the hunt the 'best march' tag went til Drumcree. Ah wis surprised at this mesel, fur I was thinkin' that Drumcree hid last a wee bit o' its lustre in racent years, now the crack's gone. Thinkin' on it later, ah realised that it probably holds fond memries for many o' yis oot thair. Guid days o' blackin' roads wi' a tractor an' then phonin' yer wurk an' tellin them ye cudnae get in. Awl said an' dun, ah wis glad tae see that the specter o' Danny Morrison hingin' oer yis with yin armalite goat yis oot tae vote.

Pole Twa.

This yin esked yis til consider which yin o' oor political hevywaits wud win in a ficht. It wis a close run thing, cummin' doon tae the last cupple o' votes, but Nigel an' Diane's Nepotisitc Tag Team squeezed in ahead o' the rest. The DUP hiv an' uncanny nack o' producin' equally politicly adept famly members, nae doot a result o' thair strang Ulster Scots gene pool, but the seamless way Diane barged past oer contenders tae stan' oan the threshold of Europe is a testament til her carisma an' political acumen. Naebudy can question her experience fur the post o' MEP, fur she spent her time as an MLA daein' as much as the rest o' them.

Oor funders in the Free State tell us that it is wile important that we shew purity o' esteam, so this weeks vote asks ye til consider which Shinner wid win in a ficht. When votin' mind that they've decomisoned.?.

Nixt time (tamarra nicht if Mrs McWilliams will let me intae the wine seller) - "Bit Five: Life in the Middle Stain Times."

*Niver yin til milk a joke.

Monday, 2 February 2009


Archaeologits wurkin' fur the Dept o' Auldish Larnin' at Dromara International Fife an' Drum Theraputic Music Centre hiv foun' a braw new stain cricle, jist ootside Annaclone. They belive it wis bilt by the guid Scots folk o' the Branze Age time, mair o' which later in the bloag. If this turns oot tae be the case, it cud be the maist significant findin' o' modern times an' they hiv decided til name it efter yin o' oor finest Ulster Scots, nain o'er than the Ministair fur the Enviroment hissel.

Fur further information oan this excitin' find, git ontae Google, an' luk up Sammy Wilson's Ring.